Dealing with split visitation of my 12 year old son. How does shared parenting actually affect the child. Co-parenting with a nincompoop!

Monday, August 18, 2008

I get so tired of having to be the giving parent

When you are stuck co-parenting with a selfish opposite there is really no time for me to ever worry about my own feelings because my son's dad puts so much pressure on him to be with him and continues to tell him that he doesn't know what he would do without him. My son carries so much guilt around with him because of his dad is constantly pressuring him about everything. If he really cared about his son he should ask himself why he would want my son around his (anti-ever get my life together girlfriend) So if he loves his son you would have thought he would have said a couple of years ago like....look son I need to get some things together and I want you to stay with your mom for awhile. BUT NO he has subjected my son to everything that has went on in that house and I am so pissed and him for that. I never wanted my kids to have to grow up before their time and learn about things that they should never have to worry about at his age. I know it has to be hard on my son to go back and forth from one week to the next. I think I am going to encourage my son to choose one place or the other to live because he will be 12 years old soon and I much as I want him to pick to live at my house I am not going to tell him that and I am embracing myself for the worst because that is all his dad ever tells him. His dad also makes him feel inferior to all of the other kids that he has living in that house that are not even his kids. So regardless of my feelings or what I think is best for my son I cannot watch him go back and forth and be so unhappy. I have tried to take this case back to court but as my ex always puts it he will make sure I don't have a pot to piss in after that. I cannot afford to pay for an attorney and I don't qualify for legal aid which I still don't understand that, when I don't have a job.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Welfare Abuser's ~ Continued

My son told me that Jenny the girlfriend of his dad had to be taken to the hospital because she was having some type of complications with the baby that she is pregnant with. Jenny was in the hospital for 2 or 3 weeks. I had no idea what type of problem she could have been having that they would keep her for 3 weeks. Well then the truth comes out and she has apparently been in the O.S.U. drug rehabilitation center. She had to go to detox to try to get the heroin and meth out of her system that she has been using while being pregnant. I am utterly disgusted, you want to ruin your life fine but why in the hell does she think she has a right to ruin that baby's life while it is inside of her. Don't they press charges against people for that. I always thought they did but if they don't have any laws against mothers who are pregnant and take drugs. Well that to me would seem like child endangerment???? DUH I have no respect for this lady and she lives with my son, this is the type of role model my son's dad has chosen for him. Why would he do that if he loves our son. You would think he would have kicked her drug using ass to the curb along time ago. There you have it folks another piece of shit gets to bring another precious child in this would when the child is probably already addicted. People like this Jenny girl should not even be able to have children. There are so many peopl out there who are looking to have babies and let them come into this world with a fighting chance.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Welfare Abuse

My son's dad has gotten his girlfriend pregnant again. Yes the girlfriend that cannot keep herself off of drugs and welfare. So now all of us tax payers are going to be paying to support another one of her children that she does not even take care of, I mean damn can we get our tubes tied already! My son's dad has never paid me child support because he lies about his income. Which that is easy to do when you own your own business. I know I may sound a bit bitter but I am unemployed right now due to the fact of there is just no one hiring and I have been looking my unemployment ran out and this girl gets to hang out in a nice luxury house and collect welfare yeah I am a bit bitter because I can't stand welfare abusers!!
This is the back of their house~
Nice huh? You know you need to re-evaluate your parenting skills when an 11 year old is asking you how you plan to take care of another baby when you cannot take care of the ones you have.
If she want's to be with my son's dad then fine, they have been together for 3 years and he owns two businesses she does not need to be on welfare all she does with her check is run out and blow it on bingo and playing scratch offs. GHEEZ! It just disgustes me. I just needed to get that off of my chest.

Yoo Hoo!! Football Season is here!

Well my son made the decision to go ahead and go up to Division II. He wanted to stay in Division I because he is such a small guy but in order to do that he would not get to touch the ball to much. So he said he wanted to go up and take his chances on whether or not he will get to play where he wants. So we are no longer playing for the Bengals he has been drafted to the Dolphins.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Finding the courage to do what is right for the child

I know that it is actually the child that suffers when his/her parents are fighting. It is just hard to always be the one to have to back off because I am tired of my son suffering. When is enough going to be enough. I will admit that I have let my emotions get the best of me more than once and have said things about my son's dad right to him, yes I know that is wrong and I do not do it intentionally. It is hard having to stand back and watch the way my son's dad chooses to raise him on his weeks, and who he has my son being taking around. My son's dad has always bought his affection, I cannot afford to give my son the things that his dad can afford to give him. His dad fought to not have to pay me child support, and kept it in court and would not give up with all of his slander and parent alienation about me to my son. So of course I went ahead and agreed to him not paying me child support because of my son and I just wanted it out of the court. My son was really tired of all of the court fights/battles. I wished I would have kept on fighting him because his income quadruples mine. I know it is not about the money, obviously because I chose not to get anything for my sons sanity. When child custody becomes a battle, everyone loses. It is just hard always being to one to have to give up, or give in or not do anything back to him because he does not care enough to spare my sons feelings. All I know is children need the love of both parents and should never be asked to choose between the two most important people in their lives. I love my son with all of my heart and I am afraid of what all this is going to do to him in his adult years. His dad is the true definition of a smug ass. He can definitly turn it on when he needs to, and it always seems like everyone buys his lies and his stories I think I am the only one who knows him for what he really is.

He needs to be knocked off his high horse

Well it is Monday, I am supposed to have my son by 4:00 p.m. today. Well I get a call from my son (not the dad, my son) about 8:45 p.m. and he tells me that he will be home in about 45 minutes, I told him okay I would see him when he gets here. Well then my son calls me about 9:15 p.m. and tells me that his dad's navigation is saying 10:30 now. I said okay, I would see him when he gets here (what else can I do). Well then my son calls me about 10:30 and asks me will I come and pick him up at his dads house, I said no, have your dad bring you here! My son tells me that his dad said he is not bringing him to my house that I would have to come and pick him up, and then I say, Your dad is the one that chose not to follow the schedule (plan his weekend trip accordingly) it is late, it is dark out and he can bring you here, so my son of course calls me back and tells me that his dad said that he would bring him over in the morning. Well, it always seems to go back to the norm with this asshole; he thinks he is in charge and is untouchable. I hate the fact that he does not respect me enough to even call me and let me know that he was not going to have my son available for me to even pick him up on my day and the regular time. I hate the fact that he could not even call me and tell me that he was taking my son out of the state.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

He might be home and might not

I get a phone call from my son's father around 8:00 pm telling me that he might be back in town tomorrow (because it is my day to p/up my son for the week) and he might not be home tomorrow. What kind of shit is that? He is just such an ass! Keep in mind that this is the first I even heard from him since my son text me on Wednesday telling me that he was leaving the state. I really think he wanted me to get all mad at him and start yelling and arguing with him, even though I was mad I knew there was nothing I could do at this point so I was not going to argue with him because he enjoys that way to much. He loves it when he knows he is getting under my skin.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Where O Where have my parenting rights gone?

My son is with his dad this week, because it is his parenting time so to speak. Well I get a call (actually a text) from my son today telling me he was in Kentucky and was on his way to Tennessee. I was thinking to myself that's nice, he is in KY and I had no clue that he had even left the state of Ohio; and that the adult of the house (meaning his father) could of called just to be nice and say Hey, I am taking our son out of state for the next couple of days. I never take my son out of town/state without calling his dad and letting him know. I know it is his parenting week and all but I have enough respect for him being the father of my son to do that for him even on my parenting weeks. I don't know why I bother. It is just hard for me to tolerate the fact that I have nothing to do with my son or know what he is doing or where he is going for two weeks out of the month. My son's dad just let's him do way to much, my son is only 11 years old and he does things that my 16 and 17 year old nephews have not even done. So if any of you out there are reading this and you are going through the same type of split, please let the other parent know where the child is and where they are going at all times. It is called being able to have a peace of mind.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

It was my holiday

It is supposed to be my holiday (July 4) but my son has been with his dad all week because it has been his week. I was debating on whether or not to even utilize the fact that it was my holiday. I just did not want any trouble, but I thought no, you know what... It is Independence day I am tired of him making me feel inferior to him. I made the call, to let him know that I would be picking up Chase and spending the day with him. He responds exactly how I envisioned he would. He starts telling me that it was not my holiday, and that he did not care if it was or not that I was not getting my son and that I would have to bring the cops to his house; he knows the cops of course are going to do nothing but say it is a civil dispute and I need to call my attorney....Hello! I don't have an attorney in my back pocket to keep on the payroll. I got frustrated and after crying for 15 minutes and getting mad and yelling at my husband because he just happened to be there. I got ready and drove on over to his house and called my son and told him to come on outside, it took a good 20 minutes to get him out side but I was not going to be leaving without him. We did get to watch the fireworks together last night so it was very nice.

My son was very upset from all of the arguing and when he got in my car, he had looked as if he had been crying for a while. I told him that I am so sorry that he has to go through all of this and that If I could make it better for him I would. He says the same thing that he always says that he just wishes we could get along. I wish the same thing, and have always wanted that for him.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Goodbye Baseball Hello Football Season

For all of us busy moms that move from one sport right into the next, Kudos to us! We concluded our baseball season with winning our final game against a local rival Yeah! I had my son this past week and boy were we busy. My youngest son turned 5, so we had his big 5 y-o birthday bash at Chuck E Cheese and we had our last baseball game and then a end of the season cookout/pool party for the team. So needless to say I am exhausted....

Some of the boys from the team are moving onto fall ball and some are moving onto football. My son wanted to do both, I said HECK no! make a choice; so he chose football. We are moving onto touchdowns vs home runs! Summer has not even got started, it just seems to early to be thinking football but hey whatta you gonna do....

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Buying your Child's Love

My son came home on Monday with new tennis shoes and a new cell phone, not to mention this is his forth cell phone that his dad has bought him in the last 6 months and my son is 11 years old. I will never understand why his father feels the need to try to buy the newest gidgets and gadgets for our son and why he does not use the money towards buying a house so he can keep himself planted in a house/neighborhood for longer than a year vs. up and moving from this neighborhood to that neighborhood, in and out of school districts. When it comes to buying school supplies or paying dental/medical bills co-pays, prescriptions or any of the necessities he wants no part of it, but he can always afford to buy materialistic things. He has my son convinced that he must have the newest things as soon as they come out, it makes it hard on me when I am constantly trying to teach our son that things do not come to us easy and we need to work for all the extras that we get, and that it is not normal to be a spend thrift or to go out and blow a couple thousand dollars at time on material items. It is like my son is starting to expect me to buy him things just for no reason, and I am constantly telling him "it is not your birthday, it is not Christmas," I tell him to go out and make his own money for any extras. He tries to make me feel bad, like well dad just bought me this... I just cut him off and tell him, that is irrelevant and I am not his dad. I don't feel bad because one of us (his parents) has to be teaching him some responsibility and work ethic. I guess it is going to have to be me...

Monday, June 16, 2008

I am lonely

Well, it is Monday and it is that time again....I have to say goodbye to my son for another week. It is still hard for me to say goodbye even though I have been dealing with this for a few years now. We are supposed to have an arranged pick up time which is 4:00, I guess this time does not apply to his dad, because does his dad ever get here at that time, NO! It would be nice to be able to plan my schedule accordingly but that would be asking way too much I guess. So what time did he finally pull his big red truck in the driveway~5:45. No phone call to say that he will be late, no phone call to let me or my son know when he was coming.

My son has a baseball game tonight beginning at 8:00 which means he has to be at the field by 7:00, well I get a call of course at 7:23 "Can you tell me what the address of the field is?, how do I get there"? Okay, I have enough kids to parent, I am tired of parenting you....check your emails just like every other parent. It is a good thing our thoughts can't speak because he would have got an ear full.

I tried to call my son and tell him goodnight but of course there was no answer. I pray every night that he be kept safe and out of harm's way.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Sharing my boy, it is not easy

Hello, I am new to this whole blogging thing. So I apologize if I do something stupid or abnormal, please just bare with me as I work out the kinks. :-) I want to share my experiences with dealing with shared parenting of my son, some experiences have not been to pleasurable but it's not about me or how many times I 've cryed and been hurt; it is about our kids and how this split time actually affects our kids.

Do we know if it is a proven fact that shared parenting is the safest route to go for our kids today. I live in Franklin County, and the courts don't really look to place the child with the parent in which it would be "for the best interest of the child", they want to give both parents parenting time and are all about splitting the visitation right in half; which is fine....but being a kid and having to pack your life up every week and go to the opposite parent's house has to be hard.

I have an 11 year old boy and his name is Chase, he is a wonderful kid, very funny, athletic and caring. This kid has been through so much and seen so much that it is sometimes unbearable to think about. Chase's father and I have been sharing custody of Chase for the past 6 years or so. He has not been very easy to get along with so to speak. I am unsure why he hates women and looks down on women, other than the fact that he was not raised by his mom, she left him when was just two years old, (because his dad (Chase's grandpa) did to her what Chase's dad has tryed to do to me (push me and scare me right out of Chase's life).

My son struggled a lot in the beginning with trying to get used to just picking up and leaving your things that you know and your room, your clothes, your everything, and going to the other parent's house. Whenever it was time for him to go back to his dad's house I could sometimes hear him crying himself to sleep. It hurt him every time he had to say goodbye all over again. With his dad not really helping the situation by not allowing phone calls from me to my son or vise versa. He looks at Chase like a possession rather than a child. If I call my son, he still plays childish games like not answering the phone, or answering and hanging up on me, he has changed his numbers and not given the new number to me, he has even moved and not let me know where he's moved. He literally has tried to turn my son against me with all of his lies, and hatefulness and even going as far as telling my son that he was the only thing he had to live for and that without him he would have no reason to go on living... (who would do this to a kid???).

We of course had a guardian ad litem appointed to our case, which was no help at all. I put my son in counseling because I was afraid for his mental health. His dad convinced him that counseling was for sissys and that Chase did not need it, so Chase would not talk to the counselor and the visits were cut short because the good doctor said that if my son did not want to talk, he could not force him into it, and told me to call him back when Chase was ready to talk....I have considered giving up my fight for my son, so that his dad would quit putting so much pressure on him and just leave him alone and let him be a kid (call me selfish but I just could not do it). I was and still am more worried about what would happen to my son if he only had his dad as a role model.

It has gotten a little better over the years. I never know what type of mood his dad will be in, he has like the roller coaster mood swings. In the past when we would see each other in public he would always like to cause a scene, he likes drawing attention to himself, while me and Chase like to coast under the radar. Chase would yell at his dad and tell him to stop but his dad would just keep on going. Most of Chase's games/sporting events was pretty much an embarrassment for him. My vehicles were keyed, tires were slashed and I was always receiving threats from him.

I was finally appointed residential parent a few years back. Which I am greatful that the courts finally did that because since I have bought my house and been here for the last 5 years. Mike has probably moved 8 times. It is ridiculous, I don't understand how someone can move that many times. Although, I had to agree to no child support, and still the 50/50 split.

He has met someone that he allows to co-parent my child while at his house on his weeks. Which, Chase probably could parent hisself better by himself. The lady is not even competent enough to have custody of her own children. So what do they do, bring another kid into the world.

I have tried to keep the peace over the years, I have done things and helped his dad out that some would think was just insane, he is nice when he needs me to be the parent even when I am not around. I have even taken the little girl in and watched her (Chase's sister with his dad) She calls me mom, I think she just thinks every woman's name is mom because her mom is constantly off and doing whatever she does for a few weeks at a time and then comes back. They fight, they breakup, they get back together and they move.

My fear is that Chase is going to grow up and be like his dad, his dad has calmed down some but is still not very nice at times... he does not respect boundaries, he calls my house probably ten times a day when I have Chase for the week, he will call very late at night, he is always yelling and calling names. He yells at the coaches during Chase's game and is always yelling at Chase he never tells him that he does a good job, he always finds something wrong with what he does. Chase could hit a home run and his dad would find something wrong with the way he ran the bases.

My son is continually looking for approval from his dad! I don't know if he will ever get what he is searching for from his father but for his sake I do hope his dad can seek some therapy and realize what he is doing to our son. Until then I will keep making excuses for him to our son.