Sharing my boy, it is not easy

Hello, I am new to this whole blogging thing. So I apologize if I do something stupid or abnormal, please just bare with me as I work out the kinks. :-) I want to share my experiences with dealing with shared parenting of my son, some experiences have not been to pleasurable but it's not about me or how many times I 've cryed and been hurt; it is about our kids and how this split time actually affects our kids.

Do we know if it is a proven fact that shared parenting is the safest route to go for our kids today. I live in Franklin County, and the courts don't really look to place the child with the parent in which it would be "for the best interest of the child", they want to give both parents parenting time and are all about splitting the visitation right in half; which is fine....but being a kid and having to pack your life up every week and go to the opposite parent's house has to be hard.

I have an 11 year old boy and his name is Chase, he is a wonderful kid, very funny, athletic and caring. This kid has been through so much and seen so much that it is sometimes unbearable to think about. Chase's father and I have been sharing custody of Chase for the past 6 years or so. He has not been very easy to get along with so to speak. I am unsure why he hates women and looks down on women, other than the fact that he was not raised by his mom, she left him when was just two years old, (because his dad (Chase's grandpa) did to her what Chase's dad has tryed to do to me (push me and scare me right out of Chase's life).

My son struggled a lot in the beginning with trying to get used to just picking up and leaving your things that you know and your room, your clothes, your everything, and going to the other parent's house. Whenever it was time for him to go back to his dad's house I could sometimes hear him crying himself to sleep. It hurt him every time he had to say goodbye all over again. With his dad not really helping the situation by not allowing phone calls from me to my son or vise versa. He looks at Chase like a possession rather than a child. If I call my son, he still plays childish games like not answering the phone, or answering and hanging up on me, he has changed his numbers and not given the new number to me, he has even moved and not let me know where he's moved. He literally has tried to turn my son against me with all of his lies, and hatefulness and even going as far as telling my son that he was the only thing he had to live for and that without him he would have no reason to go on living... (who would do this to a kid???).

We of course had a guardian ad litem appointed to our case, which was no help at all. I put my son in counseling because I was afraid for his mental health. His dad convinced him that counseling was for sissys and that Chase did not need it, so Chase would not talk to the counselor and the visits were cut short because the good doctor said that if my son did not want to talk, he could not force him into it, and told me to call him back when Chase was ready to talk....I have considered giving up my fight for my son, so that his dad would quit putting so much pressure on him and just leave him alone and let him be a kid (call me selfish but I just could not do it). I was and still am more worried about what would happen to my son if he only had his dad as a role model.

It has gotten a little better over the years. I never know what type of mood his dad will be in, he has like the roller coaster mood swings. In the past when we would see each other in public he would always like to cause a scene, he likes drawing attention to himself, while me and Chase like to coast under the radar. Chase would yell at his dad and tell him to stop but his dad would just keep on going. Most of Chase's games/sporting events was pretty much an embarrassment for him. My vehicles were keyed, tires were slashed and I was always receiving threats from him.

I was finally appointed residential parent a few years back. Which I am greatful that the courts finally did that because since I have bought my house and been here for the last 5 years. Mike has probably moved 8 times. It is ridiculous, I don't understand how someone can move that many times. Although, I had to agree to no child support, and still the 50/50 split.

He has met someone that he allows to co-parent my child while at his house on his weeks. Which, Chase probably could parent hisself better by himself. The lady is not even competent enough to have custody of her own children. So what do they do, bring another kid into the world.

I have tried to keep the peace over the years, I have done things and helped his dad out that some would think was just insane, he is nice when he needs me to be the parent even when I am not around. I have even taken the little girl in and watched her (Chase's sister with his dad) She calls me mom, I think she just thinks every woman's name is mom because her mom is constantly off and doing whatever she does for a few weeks at a time and then comes back. They fight, they breakup, they get back together and they move.

My fear is that Chase is going to grow up and be like his dad, his dad has calmed down some but is still not very nice at times... he does not respect boundaries, he calls my house probably ten times a day when I have Chase for the week, he will call very late at night, he is always yelling and calling names. He yells at the coaches during Chase's game and is always yelling at Chase he never tells him that he does a good job, he always finds something wrong with what he does. Chase could hit a home run and his dad would find something wrong with the way he ran the bases.

My son is continually looking for approval from his dad! I don't know if he will ever get what he is searching for from his father but for his sake I do hope his dad can seek some therapy and realize what he is doing to our son. Until then I will keep making excuses for him to our son.