Finding the courage to do what is right for the child

I know that it is actually the child that suffers when his/her parents are fighting. It is just hard to always be the one to have to back off because I am tired of my son suffering. When is enough going to be enough. I will admit that I have let my emotions get the best of me more than once and have said things about my son's dad right to him, yes I know that is wrong and I do not do it intentionally. It is hard having to stand back and watch the way my son's dad chooses to raise him on his weeks, and who he has my son being taking around. My son's dad has always bought his affection, I cannot afford to give my son the things that his dad can afford to give him. His dad fought to not have to pay me child support, and kept it in court and would not give up with all of his slander and parent alienation about me to my son. So of course I went ahead and agreed to him not paying me child support because of my son and I just wanted it out of the court. My son was really tired of all of the court fights/battles. I wished I would have kept on fighting him because his income quadruples mine. I know it is not about the money, obviously because I chose not to get anything for my sons sanity. When child custody becomes a battle, everyone loses. It is just hard always being to one to have to give up, or give in or not do anything back to him because he does not care enough to spare my sons feelings. All I know is children need the love of both parents and should never be asked to choose between the two most important people in their lives. I love my son with all of my heart and I am afraid of what all this is going to do to him in his adult years. His dad is the true definition of a smug ass. He can definitly turn it on when he needs to, and it always seems like everyone buys his lies and his stories I think I am the only one who knows him for what he really is.

He might be home and might not

I get a phone call from my son's father around 8:00 pm telling me that he might be back in town tomorrow (because it is my day to p/up my son for the week) and he might not be home tomorrow. What kind of shit is that? He is just such an ass! Keep in mind that this is the first I even heard from him since my son text me on Wednesday telling me that he was leaving the state. I really think he wanted me to get all mad at him and start yelling and arguing with him, even though I was mad I knew there was nothing I could do at this point so I was not going to argue with him because he enjoys that way to much. He loves it when he knows he is getting under my skin.

Where O Where have my parenting rights gone?

My son is with his dad this week, because it is his parenting time so to speak. Well I get a call (actually a text) from my son today telling me he was in Kentucky and was on his way to Tennessee. I was thinking to myself that's nice, he is in KY and I had no clue that he had even left the state of Ohio; and that the adult of the house (meaning his father) could of called just to be nice and say Hey, I am taking our son out of state for the next couple of days. I never take my son out of town/state without calling his dad and letting him know. I know it is his parenting week and all but I have enough respect for him being the father of my son to do that for him even on my parenting weeks. I don't know why I bother. It is just hard for me to tolerate the fact that I have nothing to do with my son or know what he is doing or where he is going for two weeks out of the month. My son's dad just let's him do way to much, my son is only 11 years old and he does things that my 16 and 17 year old nephews have not even done. So if any of you out there are reading this and you are going through the same type of split, please let the other parent know where the child is and where they are going at all times. It is called being able to have a peace of mind.